Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
