we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
