Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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