ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
