My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your penis caused this!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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