I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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