I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
