i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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