I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
