I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
