a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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