Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize