Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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