Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
