genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize