I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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