We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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