Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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