if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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