I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
