Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bring me that man meat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
