Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
