Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
