does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize