I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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