don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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