i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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