You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
