If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
