It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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