dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
