The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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