I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize