she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
