So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
