Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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