What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
