can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
