I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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