Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize