i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
