ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My dick has a subreddit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
