the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
