I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
