I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
