And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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