I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize