we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
