3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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