Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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