I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
