I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
