In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
