Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
