cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
