My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
