I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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