You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
