I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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