I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
