If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
