...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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