the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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