I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
