I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
