You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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