god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
