I should be sponsored by Trojan
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
