i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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