do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
