you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
