theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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