Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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