i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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