I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
