it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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