do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
