We're facebook friends in real life
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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