I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
