he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
