i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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