i think my tv is drunk
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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