He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
