God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
