when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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