i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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