i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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