you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
