I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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