Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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