Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
