I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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